This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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