i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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