That's when you crack a 10am beer
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
