I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Randomize
