He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're a waste of cheezeits
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
