Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
