Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
