everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
