I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
