the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
