There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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