Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
