If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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