Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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