There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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