I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
