from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
