Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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