Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
