You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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