My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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