You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
