This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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