What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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