But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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