My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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