Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Someone shattered a urinal.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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