His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
