After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
