Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
