Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
