my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
