So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
