Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
