Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize