There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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