M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize