im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
