his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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