you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
