dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
