I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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