He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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