we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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