The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
