Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize