He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
