I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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