The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
