My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
