they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
