girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The adults are the big ones right?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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