Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
