She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
