i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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