what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
