the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
