Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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