if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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