I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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