i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
