I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
