Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
