Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
