found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
