Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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