If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
