Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
