There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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