Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
