and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
