I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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