I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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