Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
