I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize