Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
